Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X
“I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now. He loves me and wants to get married. But he told me about his previous relationship where he was sexually involved with a girl – it’s been 3 or 4 years since this happened, but I just can’t get it out of my head. It really disturbs my mental health as I have never been involved with someone and this is my first relationship. Every time we talk, my mind keeps going there and then I start behaving rudely and distant towards him. How can I accept his past and make peace with it? He’s loyal to me and is extremely serious about our relationship but I just can’t help myself and it bothers me a lot. How can I change that?”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: keep the past in the past. Focus on the present, how he treats you, how much he values your relationship – if he has the qualities that you deem important in a good husband. Those are the things that matter and that’s what will stick in the long run.
Most people have a past – it’s part of the journey. Remember that a lot of who he is today is because of his past experiences and relationships. So, if he’s a kind, respectful, loyal person, it is probably because he’s lived and learned.
But still, if it bothers you, you should have an open conversation with him about it. Talk to him about how you don’t want constant reminders of his prior sexual activity so he can be mindful of it. Maybe seek a therapist’s help if it’s affecting your mental health. Talking and processing through it helps more than you know.
Ultimately, my advice still is, if you’re in a good relationship, try to work it out and work through this – in whatever way works for you. But after trying, if you decide that you still can’t deal with it, then it is best for you and your mental health to simply walk away. Because ultimately, nothing is more important than peace of mind.
Good luck – and consider that therapist!
To send in your questions for Mr.X, email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject ‘Question for Mr.X’. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!