8 Things You Should Know Before Starting Therapy

First off, congratulations to you on choosing to take this step. If you’re having any trouble deciding where to start when it comes to thinking about therapy, or what are the things to look out for when starting therapy, you’ve come to the right place! Here’s a guide and a personal account shared by a Mashion follower — Haseeb Sultan.

1. It takes a lot of courage to start therapy. If you don’t feel ready, do not feel pushed to go for it.

When I started therapy, it took me running away from my boarding school during broad daylight to realize I was not doing ok. Before that, I was in the school for about three years. In those three years, I tried my best to manage on my own, or through the help of friends and family. But eventually I realized that if I wanted to get better, I had to start therapy. It took me a long time to realize that I was ready for therapy. It is not easy to be vulnerable, and its ok if you’re not ready.

2. Your family and friends can only do so much to help you in any kind of crises. It is not their responsibility to fix things for you.

Like I said earlier, I had a very good support system that I will always be grateful for. But that support system is not designed in such a way that the people in it will help you in the ways that you need. Our friends and family know so much about us, and know so many of the right things to say to us or do for us that will help in the moment. But I will say here what I say to my patients “yeh ilaaj nahin, marham hai.” So while it’s extremely generous of our friends and family to bandage us together, the wound needs proper professional care for it to heal. Generosity of loved ones is Emotional Labour.  And it would be really unfair to put the weight of the healing on people who love us.

3. Your first therapist might not be your last.
   
   It takes a lot of window shopping when it comes to finding the right therapist for you. Please do seek help from online reviews, or from experiences of people in your social circle. It takes time to find a therapist who understands your moral values, and trusts you as you are. Believe me, I’ve had my share of the worst psychologists ever. One of them was extremely arrogant and condescending, that I have no idea how he even got his license in the first place. So yes, you might come across therapists who aren’t the right fit for you, but it shouldn’t stop you from seeking help. It’s your right to drop therapists if you don’t like them.

4. The Stigma is still real.

Unfortunately, when I went to therapy more than ten years ago, it wasn’t considered very common for a fifteen-year-old boy to be going to a psychologist. I remember my mother explicitly telling me not to tell anyone that I’m starting therapy. Unfortunately the burden of the shame of being bullied fell on me, and I had to deal with it on my own. Whereas things are better now, there are still people out there who will question your decision to choose to take care of yourself.

5. You owe no one any explanation about why you’re going to therapy

Carrying on with what I said earlier, it most definitely is not your responsibility to defend yourself when it comes to this decision. It is your life, and your healing. No one else is will take the burden of this for you, so why should they be the ones whose opinion determines what is that you need to heal? Be it friends, or family; if someone doesn’t understand why you’re deciding to go to therapy, it is better not to be defensive about it, and try to let it be. You do what you think is best for you!

6. Once, you start, it takes time to heal years worth of trauma of any form.

I remember that my therapist said that when I started therapy, all I did was cry in every session. I remember being a really really angry teenager, to the point where I think about it now, I couldn’t imagine being that angry now. But I am able to deal with my emotions better now because I put in the hard work throughout all the years to deal with my past traumas. For someone who was bullied his whole childhood and a major chunk of his youth, I understand that therapy takes years before one can come to terms with what happened to them, the behavioral manifestation of it, and what one needs to do to heal from it.

7. If you feel therapy is not working for you, you can consider going to a psychiatrist.

There might be a chance that therapy alone will not be enough for you. In that case, you might want to discuss with your therapist if psychiatric help might be something worth exploring. As a doctor myself, I know how difficult it can be for some people to go through life with any kind of illness. So if you would go to a doctor if you get a stomach ulcer, would you not want to go to a psychiatrist if your nervous system was hurting? 

8. Be patient with the people you love (that includes you too!). It will take time for everyone to adjust to this new development.

Therapy can be tricky not only for ourselves but it can be difficult for our loved ones to adjust to our new selves too. As we go on this journey of healing, we have to remember to be kind and patient to ourselves and our loved ones. It will be a time of hardship and a lot of challenges as we grow from this step, and evolve to be a healed version of ourselves. Compassion is the way forward!